Parents Acting Like Teenagers!

Dr. Mohler’s Blog

“Freak Dancing” — When Parents Advocate Misbehavior

The Wall Street Journal is out with one of the those eye-opening stories that defies common moral sense. It seems that Jason Ceyanes, the 35-year-old superintendent of schools in Argyle, Texas, decided to crack down on sexually-suggestive dancing at the local high school. But, when the superintendent banned “freak dancing,” he got into trouble with some of Argyle’s parents.

Here is how The Wall Street Journal introduced its account of the controversy:

A new resolve by school officials in this booming Dallas suburb to crack down on sexually suggestive dancing — and skimpy clothing — has sparked a rancorous debate over what boundaries should be set for teenagers’ self-expression. Argyle joins a long list of other schools around the country that have banned the hip-hop inspired dancing known as “grinding” or “freak dancing.”

But in Argyle, a once-sleepy farming community strained by explosive growth from an influx of well-to-do suburbanites, the controversy has gotten vicious. Some parents blame the newly installed school superintendent, Jason Ceyanes, 35, for ruining their children’s October homecoming dance by enforcing a strict dress code and making provocative dancing off-limits. Disgusted, a lot of kids left, and the dance ended early.

Mr. Ceyanes says he fears current cleavage-baring dress styles combined with sexually charged dancing could lead to an unsafe environment for students.

“This is not just shaking your booty,” he said. “This is pelvis-to-pelvis physical contact in the private areas…and then moving around.”

“Freak dancing” is well known throughout the nation, and it involves what can only be described as “sexually charged” physical contact and movement. But many of the kids in Argyle were “disgusted” that freak dancing was banned at the homecoming dance, so they left. That might be fairly easy to understand. After all, adolescents are expected to exhibit adolescent patterns of misbehavior. What makes this story so interesting is that so many parents responded by joining their adolescents in immature response. In fact, their protest of the superintendent’s policy is shocking.

As the paper explained, “Many parents support Mr. Ceyanes’s actions. But another vocal faction has been harshly critical of the new superintendent, creating a deep rift in the community. These parents defend the children of Argyle as ‘good kids,’ and say they should be trusted to dance and dress the way they want.”

Here is one of the moral hallmarks of our confused age. Parents defy authority and propriety and justify the misbehavior of their own children while calling them “good kids.” In this case, they argue that these “good kids” should be allowed “to dance and dress the way they want” — even if that means sexually suggestive dress and sexually charged dancing.

Mr. Ceyanes held a public meeting for parents and played a video of freak dancing. “I cannot imagine that there is a father in this room who could watch this video and be all right with a young man dancing with his daughter in that fashion,” he told the parents.

This is further evidence of a trend long in coming. Fashion styles for adult women now mimic those of adolescent girls. Why? So many moms want to act like teenagers and dress as provocatively as their offspring. Far too many parents want to act like their teenagers’ friends and peers, not like parents. Parents, after all, are expected to act like adults, and this is a society that depreciates adulthood and valorizes adolescence.

When a story like this makes the front page of The Wall Street Journal, something significant has shifted on the moral landscape. When parents demand that their “good kids” be allowed to freak dance at school events, the real story shifts from the kids to the parents.

___________________

The Wall Street Journal also features this video coverage of the story [go here].  We discussed this issue on Tuesday’s edition of The Albert Mohler Program [listen here].

-Scott Bailey 2007

Biblical Manhood by John Piper!

Desiring God Blog

Sheep, Wolves, Snakes, and Doves Posted: 24 Oct 2007 09:27 AM CDT (Author: John Piper) When Jesus sends us to bear witness to him in the world, he does not send us out as dominant and strong, but as weak and seemingly defenseless in ourselves. The only reason I say “seemingly” defenseless is that it is possible that, since “all authority” belongs to Jesus, he might intervene and shut the mouths of the wolves, like he did the mouths of the lions that surrounded Daniel. But that does not appear to be his intention… Read the whole article.

Valuing Biblical Manhood Posted: 23 Oct 2007 12:03 PM CDT (Author: John Piper) Last week at a lunch for pastors, I gave a message you can listen to called “Some Sweet Blessings of Masculine Christianity.” I drew out eleven benefits of valuing biblical manhood. Here is my outline:By “masculine Christianity,” I mean (though words are inadequate): The theology and the church and the mission are marked by over-arching male leadership and an ethos of tender-hearted strength and contrite courage and risk-taking decisiveness and readiness to sacrifice to protect and provide for the community—the feel of a great, majestic God making the men lovingly strong and the women intelligently secure. In this ethos… 1. Men are freed to have feminine traits without being effeminate and women are freed to have masculine traits without being tomboys. (The most admirable women have masculine traits and the most admirable men have feminine traits: Lopsided masculinity and femininity are not as admirable.) 2. Men are more properly attracted to the Christian life when it does not appear that he must become effeminate to be a Christian. (Dominance of female leadership undermines the proper sense of a man’s call to be a leader, protector, and provider.) 3. Women are more properly drawn to a Christian life that highlights the proper place of humble, strong, spiritual men in leadership. This more properly feels freeing and safe. It feels like a place where the men in her life might learn to take initiative without being domineering. 4. We are freed to celebrate strong, courageous women of God who love the biblical vision complementarity, without and sense of compromise. The men are so clearly strong and secure in their leadership that they are not threatened by women who are spiritually mature and effective in ministry. 5. Men are awakened to their responsibilities at home to lead the family and protect the family and provide for the family. A clear definition of manhood helps a man take responsibility. 6. Youth leaders and parents will catch a clearer definition of how to answer the question of a boy: “Daddy, what does it mean to grow up and be a man and not a woman?” And a clearer definition of how to answer the question of a girl: “Mommy, what does it mean to grow up and be a woman and not a man?” 7. The meaning of masculinity and femininity in singleness will be clearer and a lifetime of singleness without sexual intercourse will be more understandable and livable. (The definitions of masculinity and femininity in What’s the Difference? are not marriage-specific.) 8. The corporate worship teams are not dominated by women and the songs chosen are not dominated by a one-sided feel of intimacy or majesty. The presence of masculine men and strong theology and music give the corporate worship a feel of strength that helps men discover and express the fullness of the emotions toward God that God calls for. 9. The God of the Bible will be more fully portrayed and known than where the tone is more feminine. The God of the Bible is overwhelmingly powerful and authoritative and often violent. He is Lord and King and Master and Sovereign and Father and Ruler. His tenderness and gentleness and patience shine in their beauty because of appearing in this dominant light. Women need an ethos of this kind so that they can relax and be more of their nurturing selves without fearing that they must work to create the ethos of God’s grandeur lest it be lost because the men are not speaking it and modeling it. 10. Preaching is more readily prized. Preaching is “expository exultation”—a forceful acclamation of the greatness of God and a passionate appeal for full-blooded response to him. The fear of strong preaching is part of the effeminizing of the church, and the full range of the way God is and appears on the Bible is not known where preaching is simply casual and conversational. 11. A wartime mindset and a wartime lifestyle will feel more natural. And that is what the world needs from us—a readiness to lay our lives down for a great and global cause making all the sacrifices necessary to push the word of Christ into the most inhospitable places.

-Scott Bailey 2007

-From A Dad: The Feminization of our boys!

Feminizing boys and the American Schools?  What is that?  Well, I was thinking about this subject the other day.  I was thinking through many of the praise songs presented in the churches today and how feminine they are presented.  Think about the songs in Vacation Bible School or youth groups and how feminine those are.  Listen to the songs on Barney (heaven forbid you watch that show) in case you do listen to the words or other shows resembling this and think about how feminine they are.  Now, think about the number of school teachers both private and public that are women verses the number that are men.  How many hours per week do they spend with these teachers?  Who picks them up from school a higher percentage of the time…mom.   How many hours or minutes per week do the boys on average spend with a real male role model that can influence their outcome as a man someday?  The entire American culture is not setup to take the boys to manhood properly anymore expedited by the feminist movement that started in the early 1960s.  However, as early as the early 1900s the workplace took dads out of the home and left the boys with their moms.  This was the begining of the change in our culture towards a more feminized culture of boys.

Society will tell you and this has even drifted into the church now, that boys need to be very sensitive or “get in touch with their feminine side”.  I am sorry…I thought God made males to be a bit rough edged for a reason.  Males are born with a sense of conquering someone or something on a daily basis.  Males are born with a sense of the need to work.  Boys will typically eat more because their metabolism is higher.  Ever noticed that a boy will climb a tree just so they can jump out of it and see if they survive?  What girl in their right mind would do that….I hope none would.  My boys like to skateboard down the mddle of the street and move to the saidwalk just before being hit…what a rush they say.  If I did not know better I would think that boys have some portion of sensibility missing from their brains, but God made them different on purpose.  If a girl is in distress and finds themselves between the boy and a bull, they natural instinct would be for the boy to move the girl out of the way and place himself in that position.  If the boys were not made that way it would be an even more dangerous place to live.  Boys are here to protect, guide, provide, play, and help reproduce.  These are qualities that are instilled deep within a boys genetics. 

What has caused all the natural instincts and abilities of boys to be turned upside down?  Who has methodically altered the natural progression of the male role in society and in the church?  Does it hurt our world to feminize the boys?  I mean after-all they will be more sensitive to their female counterparts in the workplace and in their households.  So many questions have been raised about this subject and it is time to turn the tide back in the direction that boys are to be boys and girls are to be girls and stop this war between the sexes that should never have started in the first place. 

“You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted;
       you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,

 defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
       in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.”

Psalm 10:17-18

One place to look is the number of households that are fatherless.  A new stastic is the one in four children are born to a fatherless home.  I am speaking in this segment about dads that are physically not present whether they have moved away, died, disappeared or whatever…they cannot be seen or heard of by the family.  The crisis of the shrinking American father is a growing problem.  The numbers are getting too far away from us to the point we cannot bring this back into line.  With dad absent moms are faced with a difficult task…raising sons not to be feminine.  How will they accomplish this?  In the past dads would for the most part guide their children’s choices of marriage and manage the sons entrance into the workplace.  Dad was always seen as the one who directed the religious affairs of the family and made sure the kids education was morally preserved.  Any blame society had on those kids could be blamed on the dad.  Mom is now asked to take on this role and to be blunt, moms are not equipped by their creator to be the dad to these sons.  It will take someone outside the home usually to bring in that much needed male role.  Moms this is not to blame you, you were not suppose to have to be dad and mom at the same time.  I have written another article post to encourage single moms on raising their kids, because I do think if you are in this position you need all the help you can especially in rearing those boys to be as manly as possible….this is not easy, but it can be done.

What do fathers do that makes this father and mother household so important?  Dads can teach their sons about fishing, hunting, playing sports, how to be tough yet gentle at the same time, feelings on sex from a mans perspective, death, life, goals, work ethic, leadership, social skills from a mans perspective, how to negotiate the manly way, instruction, love, and so on.  Dads bring to the table alot of qualities that a woman just will not be able to inject into their sons unless it is done on purpose.  The male household figure will tend to be more aggressive, a protector and a risk taker.  These are further qualities in a boy that are nurtured along by the dad rather than mom.   The areas that dads play the biggest role are playing, role modeling, competing, risk taking, independence, discipline, modeling the distinct difference between the sexes, emotional stability, social skills around others, intellect, empathy, aggressiveness, natural skills, and so on.  These are very important areas for dads to be a big part of in our kids lives.  The most serious area a dad can address is to make sure they are serving the Lord and breathing the word of God on their kids daily.

 “If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

Joshua 24:15 NASB

Fathers are the main role model a young boy needs to see.  This person is close to him on a daily basis or should be.  Most kids had much rather see an sermon lived out than hear one.  Dads are a major source of instruction especially to the boys.  As boys get older they will tend to stretch their independence away from mom…still enjoying her love, but not needing the nurturing as much.  This is a time that boys really want to know dad more and enjoy his company more and more.  For us dads this is such an impressionable time.  We can give these boys the visual lesson as well as the scriptural lesson at the same time.  The impact this has on boys is amazing and really cannot be measured effectively for many years in the future.

I could spend hours with statistics and analogies to support these findings, but that would bore you to death.  My main point is that dads need to stay in the marriage through the tough times, bad times, hard times, and be there for those kids too.  Our boys will model our response to our spouses with their future spouse.  If they see that we have stayed in the family and toughed it out through “thick and thin” they have a great chance of remaining married to one woman their entire lives and raising their kids together.  Boys raised by active fathers in a two adult home will most likely not be feminized adult men in the future.  Fathers are important to structure and outcome of the kids as moms are and especially the outcome of the boys. 

If you are reading this as a single mom, take heart…raise the boys differently than you do your girls.  Allow the boys time for rough play, let them play rough sports, allow them to fall down and get hurt.  Let boys play in the dirt, eat dirt at least once, get dirty, play with a frog, non-poisonous snake, spider, etc.  Boys are curious as cats and each day is new adventure for them.  Allow them to explore.  Let them do this most of the time without the girls around or if girls are present allow them to take the lead.  The boy wants to lead his mom and sisters along this trail of life.  If they sense you are letting them lead just step back and see how they rise to the occasion.  Boys are born with the natural sense to lead those who are with them in need of their care.  I wanted to include this small section to encourage you moms to do whatever you can not to feminize the boys.

“And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”

Luke 1:17 NIV

Finally, we as dads must take an extremely active role in raising our boys.  Take them to work with us whenever possible, take them fishing, take them hunting, go on a nature walk through the woods, help them discover new places, take them to the zoo, to a ballgame, to a cemetery, make sure they physically see their living grandparents as often as possible and engage them in the history of the family.  Look at pictures with them and talk about what those pictures mean.  Dads, boys love stories of our past.  They really like to hear about stupid things we did and we can take that opportunity to share what the right action might have been.  I know as a dad myself we can get caught up in our careers.  To move forward in business is important to us.  We will justify our extra hours by saying it is for the family, but in the long run it is hurting our kids.  The relationship with the boys suffer….they end up feminized.  So, I want to encourage us dads to do whatever we can to place our wives and family ahead of work and play.  Even if it means changing jobs, moving, having less “things”…guys, your family will love you for it even if it is huge sacrifice.  The future survival of the family is riding on our response to this challenge of raising our children effectively.  To be that driving force in our sons lives that helps them transition from boyhood to manhood in a healthy, godly way.  Share the faithfulness of God in your life with the children, they will never forget it.

“The living, the living—they praise you, as I am doing today; fathers tell their children about your faithfulness.”

Isaiah 38:19 NIV

-Scott Bailey (c) 2007

-From A Dad: Saving the Boys! Proverbs 2:1-11

  To save our boys we need to give them excellent role models to immolate.  Once they are given the proper role models they will then know how to have a good marriage and how to be a good father.  These are the fathers of tomorrow we are raising, guys.  As a dad I need to be a strong biblical role model for them.  My boys need to see me as their dad reading his bible, praying, serious at times, laughing at other times, helping other people, serving, living according to the bible, doing what is right even if it is a hard choice, and so on.  I deal with speed, stops signs, seat belts and red lights all the time when the kids are in the car with me….this is an area I am working on….ha…ha…ha!

“My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.”           -Proverbs 2:1-5 NIV

We as dads have such a short time with these boys.  To bring them up to be strong respectable men.  My oldest son is 14 years old.  He thinks himself to be a man and ready to make manly decisions.  As much as I would like to think he is ready I know he is not.  So, with the 4 years I have left I have alot of training sessions to work on with him.  As his dad I must instruct him in the ways of the Lord even if he does not seem to listen.  I cannot beat it into him, but God’s word must be presented to him every chance God gives me.  I found the other day five goals to saving our boys by Steve Farrar as their father it is my job to model for them the importance of:

*knowing and obeying Jesus Christ

*knowig and displaying godly character

*knowing and love my wife

*knowing and loving my children

*knowing my gifts and abilities, so I can work hard and effectively in an area of strength, rather than weakness and contribute effectively to the lives of others and have a little fun at the same time.

“For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.”           -Proverbs 2:6 NIV

If I as these boys dad will be faithful to God’s word and fill my boys up on His word I can rest assured it will not return void when they are adults and have families.  He guards the path of the righteous and protects the trail of those faithful to Him.  Our boys need to hear this often.  We need to remind these boys of God’s divine hand upon their lives and that He is working His plan in their lives.  For most boys now days they never hear that God even cares for them much less that He has a plan for their lives.  Proverbs 2:10 tells us that “wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.”  It is this “pleasantness in God” that us dads need to desire for our boys to understand and experience.  If they can have a deep loving relationship with Christ early on, they will have a fighting chance as a successful father and husband in their adult years.  Without the Lord in the very center of their being they have no chance.  Success is defined here as raising upstanding kids and staying married to the same gal for all their lives….does not matter about the money, homes, cars, or retirement accounts.  All that matters is that when we enter heaven and our sons and daughters enter heaven God can say of us “Well done my good and faithful servant, enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”  If that is not our goal for ourselves and our kids, then what other goal could we have?

-Scott Bailey (c) 2007

 

-10 Needs of a 14 Year Old Boy!

 

10 Needs of a 14 year old boy

 

1. To climb a mountain and look down from the peak.

“God majestic, praise abounds in our God-city! His sacred mountain, breathtaking in its heights—earth’s joy. Zion Mountain looms in the North, city of the world-King. God in his citadel peaks impregnable.”

-Psalm 48:1 MSG

2. To sit around a campfire with team mates and good friends.

 “God loves the pure-hearted and well-spoken; good leaders also delight in  their friendship.”

-Proverbs 22:11 MSG

3. To test his strength and his skills on his own.

“But his bow remained taut,and his arms were strengthened by the hands of the Mighty One of Jacob,by the Shepherd, the Rock of Israel.”

-Genesis 49:24 NLT

4. To be alone with his thoughts and with his God.

“The Lord will establish you as a people holy to Himself, as He has sworn to you, if you keep the commandments of the Lord your God and walk in His ways.”

-Deuteronomy 28:9 AMP

5. To reach out and find the hand of an adult willing to help.

“I look to you for help, O Sovereign Lord.You are my refuge…”

-Psalm 141:8 NLT

6. To have a code to live by…easily understood and fair.