Ways Parents Provoke Their Kids!

Ways Parents Provoke (By John MacArthur) In Ephesians 6:4, Paul writes, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” In our series these last two weeks, we’ve looked at both discipline (specifically, spanking) and instruction (specifically, evangelism). Today, we will look at the command to not provoke. To “provoke . . . to anger” suggests a repeated, ongoing pattern of treatment that gradually builds up a deep–seated anger and resentment that boils over in outward hostility. Such treatment is usually not intended to provoke anger. Here are eight ways in which parents can provoke their children to anger: 1) Well–meaning overprotection is a common cause of resentment in children. Parents who smother their children, overly restrict where they can go and what they can do, never trust them to do things on their own, and continually question their judgment build a barrier between themselves and their children—usually under the delusion that they are building a closer relationship. Children need careful guidance and certain restrictions, but they are individual human beings in their own right and must learn to make decisions on their own, commensurate with their age and maturity. Their wills can be guided but they cannot be controlled. 2) Another common cause of provoking children to anger is favoritism. Isaac favored Esau over Jacob and Rebekah preferred Jacob over Esau. That dual and conflicting favoritism not only caused great trouble for the immediate family but has continued to have repercussions in the conflicts between the descendants of Jacob and Esau until our present day! For parents to compare their children with each other, especially in the children’s presence, can be devastating to the child who is less talented or favored. He will tend to become discouraged, resentful, withdrawn, and bitter. Favoritism by parents generally leads to favoritism among the children themselves, who pick up the practice from their parents. They will favor one brother or sister over the others and will often favor one parent over the other. 3) A third way parents provoke their children is by pushing achievement beyond reasonable bounds. A child can be so pressured to achieve that he is virtually destroyed. He quickly learns that nothing he does is sufficient to please his parents. No sooner does he accomplish one goal than he is challenged to accomplish something better. Fathers who fantasize their own achievements through the athletic skills of their sons, or mothers who fantasize a glamorous career through the lives of their daughters prostitute their responsibility as parents. I once visited a young woman who was confined to a padded cell and was in a state of catatonic shock. She was a Christian and had been raised in a Christian family, but her mother had ceaselessly pushed her to be the most popular, beautiful, and successful girl in school. She became head cheerleader, homecoming queen, and later a model. But the pressure to excel became too great and she had a complete mental collapse. After she was eventually released from the hospital, she went back into the same artificial and demanding environment. When again she found she could not cope, she committed suicide. She had summed up her frustration when she told me one day, “I don’t care what it is I do, it never satisfies my mother.” 4) A fourth way children are provoked is by discouragement. A child who is never complimented or encouraged by his parents is destined for trouble. If he is always told what is wrong with him and never what is right, he will soon lose hope and become convinced that he is incapable of doing anything right. At that point he has no reason even to try. Parents can always find something that a child genuinely does well, and they should show appreciation for it. A child needs approval and encouragement in things that are good every bit as much as he needs correction in things that are not. 5) A fifth way provocation occurs is by parents’ failing to sacrifice for their children and making them feel unwanted. Children who are made to feel that they are an intrusion, that they are always in the way and interfere with the plans and happiness of the parents, cannot help becoming resentful. To such children the parents themselves will eventually become unwanted and an intrusion on the children’s plans and happiness. 6) A sixth form of provocation comes from failing to let children grow up at a normal pace. Chiding them for always acting childish, even when what they do is perfectly normal and harmless, does not contribute to their maturity but rather helps confirm them in their childishness. 7) A seventh way of angering children is that of using love as a tool of reward or punishment—granting it when a child is good and withdrawing it when he is bad. Often the practice is unconscious, but a child can sense if a parent cares for him less when is he disobedient than when he behaves. That is not how God loves and is not the way he intends human parents to love. God disciplines His children just as much out of love as He blesses them. “Those whom the Lord loves He disciplines” (Heb. 12:6). Because it is so easy to punish out of anger and resentment, parents should take special care to let their children know they love them when discipline is given. An eighth way to provoke children is by physical and verbal abuse. Battered children are a growing tragedy today. Even Christian parents—fathers especially—sometimes overreact and spank their children much harder than necessary. Proper physical discipline is not a matter of exerting superior authority and strength, but of correcting in love and reasonableness. Children are also abused verbally. A parent can as easily overpower a child with words as with physical force. Putting him down with superior arguments or sarcasm can inflict serious harm, and provokes him to anger and resentment. It is amazing that we sometimes say things to our children that we would not think of saying to anyone else—for fear of ruining our reputation! In closing, consider the confession of one Christian father, My family’s all grown and the kids are all gone. But if I had to do it all over again, this is what I would do. I would love my wife more in front of my children. I would laugh with my children more—at our mistakes and our joys. I would listen more, even to the littlest child. I would be more honest about my own weaknesses, never pretending perfection. I would pray differently for my family; instead of focusing on them, I’d focus on me. I would do more things together with my children. I would encourage them more and bestow more praise. I would pay more attention to little things, like deeds and words of thoughtfulness. And then, finally, if I had to do it all over again, I would share God more intimately with my family; every ordinary thing that happened in every ordinary day I would use to direct them to God. (Today’s article adapted from John’s commentary on Ephesians, published by Moody.)

Q n A: Reformation Day!

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT REFORMATION DAY!

 

Steve Green singing “A Mighty Fortress is Our God”

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WHAT IS REFORMATION DAY? Reformation Day is an important liturgical festival that is celebrated by Lutherans and Christians of many Protestant denominations.  It commemorates Dr. Martin Luther’s posting of his Ninety-five Theses on the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg, Germany on October 31st, 1517.  This act triggered the movement in world history known as the Reformation.  While the historical date for the observance of Reformation is October 31st, most churches celebrate it on the last Sunday in October.  

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WHAT WAS THE REFORMATION? While it had profound and lasting impacts on the political, economic, social, literary, and artistic aspects of modern society, the Reformation was at its heart a religious movement.  The Reformation was the great rediscovery of the good news of salvation by grace through faith for Christ’s sake.

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WHY WAS THE CHURCH IN NEED OF REFORM? For centuries, the Roman Catholic Church had been plagued by false doctrines, superstition, ignorance, and corruption.  Since most ordinary Christians were illiterate and had little knowledge of the Bible, they relied on their clergy for religious instruction and guidance.  Tragically however, monks, priests, bishops, and even the popes in Rome taught unbiblical doctrines like purgatory and salvation through good works.  Spiritually earnest people tried to justify themselves by charitable works, pilgrimages, and all kinds of religious performances and devotions, but they were left wondering if they had done enough to escape God’s anger and punishment.  The truth of the gospel — the good news that God is loving and merciful, that He offers each and every one of us forgiveness and salvation not because of what we do, but because of what Christ has already done for us — was largely forgotten by both clergy and laity.  The Holy Spirit used an Augustinian monk and university professor named Martin Luther to restore the gospel to its rightful place as the cornerstone doctrine of Christianity.

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WHO WAS MARTIN LUTHER AND WHAT WAS HIS ROLE IN THE REFORMATION?  Martin Luther was born in 1483 in the town of Eisleben in the area of Germany called Thuringia.  His parents brought him up in the strict religious environment of the Roman Catholic Church.  They provided for his education by enrolling him in the Latin schools of Thuringia.  The young Luther was a promising student, so his father sent him to the University of Erfurt in 1501 to study law.  He did very well at his studies and graduated with a Master of Arts degree in 1505.  But Luther was a troubled and morbidly unhappy man.  Like many others of his time, Luther was distressed by his sins and lived in terrible and constant fear of God’s angry judgment.  After being caught in a ferocious thunderstorm that seemed to threaten his very life, Luther abandoned his plans to practice law and entered an Augustinian monastery.  He hoped that the rigorous life of a monk would allow him opportunities to do enough good works to please God and escape eternal punishment.  Luther threw himself into monastic life and was ordained in 1507.  He meticulously followed all the strict rules of his abbey, impressing his fellow monks with his seriousness and outward piety.  Dr. Johann von Staupitz, the vicar-general of the Augustinian order, took notice of Luther’s potential for leadership and assigned him important administrative duties, including a mission to Rome.  But although Luther did everything a devout and conscientious monk should do, he did not find the peace of mind he was seeking.In 1508, Father Staupitz sent Luther to Wittenberg, a town in the part of Germany called Saxony, to pursue a doctoral degree and to teach at the newly established university there.  Luther also became assistant pastor at the Castle Church, a post he held for the rest of his life.  In the course of his preaching and studying (especially his careful reading of Saint Paul’s Epistle to the Romans), the Holy Spirit revealed to Luther the love of God in Jesus Christ.  In what is often called his “Tower Experience,” Luther came to understand the true nature of the gospel, namely that God has already accomplished our salvation by the life, death, and resurrection of His Son, and that this salvation is ours through faith alone, not on account of our good works.  Luther was astounded by this doctrine and found tremendous comfort in it.  He began to lecture about it in his classes and preach about it in his parish.In 1517, Luther (now a Doctor of Theology and a respected professor) was drawn into a controversy over the sale of indulgences.  Indulgences were certificates sold by the Roman Catholic Church that promised people release from works of penance for absolved sins, both in life and in purgatory.  Although Luther would in a few years repudiate the entire Roman Catholic system of works righteousness, he was not ready at this early stage in his ministry to completely reject the prevailing teachings on purgatory and indulgences.  But even prior to 1517 he realized that corrupt practices connected to the sale of indulgences were a blasphemy against Christ and a cruel deception on penitent Christians seeking God’s grace and forgiveness.It was the sale of a particular indulgence that spurred Luther to action.  Pope Leo X had authorized the sale of special jubilee indulgences in the cities and principalities of Germany.  Half of the money raised was to help finance the building of Saint Peter’s Cathedral in Rome; the other half was to go to Albrecht, the new archbishop of Mainz (who needed the cash to pay off a loan he had taken to buy his archbishopric).  These indulgences were plenary, meaning that all sin and eternal and temporal punishment would be forgiven to those who purchased them.  Elector Frederick the Wise, prince of Saxony and patron of the University of Wittenberg, had prohibited the traffic of these indulgences in his territory, but they were sold in towns and villages just across the Saxon border.  When some members of his parish purchased indulgences and brought them to Luther for his assessment of their validity, he felt compelled to take the initiative.Luther drafted a series of ninety-five statements in Latin discussing indulgences, good works, repentance, and other topics, and invited interested scholars to debate with him.  According to Dr. Philip Melanchthon, Luther’s university colleague and author of the Augsburg Confession, Luther nailed his Ninety-five Theses on the door of the Castle Church on October 31st, 1517.  (This was not an act of defiance or provocation as is sometimes thought.  Since the Castle Church faced Wittenberg’s main thoroughfare, the church door functioned as a public bulletin board and was therefore the logical place for posting important notices.  Today, a professor might publish an article in a journal or post it on a web site.)  By posting his document on October 31st, the eve of the All Saints’ Day mass, Luther ensured that his Theses would come to the attention of the throngs of literate Wittenberg residents and educated visitors who filed into the Castle Church for worship the next day.Luther intended the Ninety-five Theses to initiate an academic discussion, not serve as the agenda for a major reform of the Catholic Church.  However, events soon overtook him.  Within weeks, the Theses were translated into German, reproduced using the new moveable-type printing press, and circulated throughout Germany.  It wasn’t long before they were the talk of Europe.  The publication of the Ninety-five Theses brought Luther to international attention and into direct conflict with the Roman Catholic hierarchy and the Holy Roman Emperor.  A little over three years later, he was excommunicated by the pope and declared a heretic and outlaw.  This was the beginning of the Reformation, the culmination of which was the writing of the Augsburg Confession of 1530, the first official Lutheran statement of faith.

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WHAT IS THE LITURGICAL COLOR FOR REFORMATION DAY?Red is the liturgical color for this day.  Red reminds us of the Holy Spirit who descended on Christ’s followers in tongues of fire on Pentecost.  It was by the power of the Holy Spirit that Martin Luther came to learn the gospel.  The same Spirit moved him to post his Ninety-five Theses and inspired him and his colleagues to work toward the Reformation of the Christian church.

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WHY IS REFORMATION DAY SUCH AN IMPORTANT CHRISTIAN FESTIVAL?Martin Luther and his colleagues came to understand that if we sinners had to earn salvation by our own merits and good works, we would be lost and completely without hope.  But through the working of the Holy Spirit, the reformers rediscovered the gospel — the wonderful news that Jesus Christ lived, died, and rose again to redeem and justify us.  As Luther wrote in his explanation of the Second Article of the Apostles’ Creed:  I believe that Jesus Christ, true God, begotten of the Father from eternity, and also true man, born of the Virgin Mary, is my Lord, who has redeemed me, a lost and condemned creature, purchased and won me from all sins, from death, and from the power of the devil; not with gold or silver, but with His holy, precious blood and with His innocent suffering and death, that I may be His own and live under Him in His kingdom, and serve Him in everlasting righteousness, innocence, and blessedness, even as He is risen from the dead, lives and reigns to all eternity.  This is most certainly true.On Reformation Day, we glorify God for what he accomplished in 16th century Germany through His servant, Dr. Martin Luther — the recovery of the gospel of salvation by grace through faith for Christ’s sake.  We also earnestly pray that God would keep all of us faithful to the true gospel and help us to joyfully declare it to the world.  This lovely hymn verse encapsulates the theme of our Reformation celebration:

By grace God’s Son, our only Savior,
Came down to earth to bear our sin.
Was it because of your own merit
That Jesus died your soul to win?
No, it was grace, and grace alone,
That brought Him from His heav’nly throne.

-Scott Bailey 2007

How Can Christians React to Halloween?

Christians and Halloween

Halloween.  It’s a time of year when the air gets crisper, the day gets shorter, and for many young Americans the excitement grows in anticipation of the darkest, spookiest holiday of the year.  Retailers rejoice too as they warm up their cash registers to receive an average of $41.77 per household in decorations, costumes, candy, and greeting cards.  Halloween will bring in approximately 3.3 billion dollars this year.

It’s a good bet retailers won’t entertain high expectations of getting $41.77 per household from the Christian market.  Many Christians refuse to participate in Halloween.  Some are wary of its pagan origins; others of its dark, ghoulish imagery; still others are concerned for the safety of their children.  But other Christians choose to partake of the festivities, whether participating in school activities, neighborhood trick-or-treating, or a Halloween alternative at their church.

The question is, How should Christians respond to Halloween?  Is it irresponsible for parents to let their children trick-or-treat?  What about Christians who refuse any kind of celebration during the season–are they overreacting?  Click here to read the rest of the article from Grace To You by John MacArthur!

-Scott Bailey 2007

-How Can We Be Devoted Dads?

   After 17 years of marriage is seems like only a few months have gone by.  My wife and I have 10 children ages 16 down to 1….6 Boys and 4 Girls if you are wondering and my wife birthed each of them one at a time.  Anyway, this Blog Site was produced so that I could write down my thoughts on  daily basis, but also to put together some of what I think are the greatest theologians and preachers of all time and their thoughts along with my own ramblings.  You can simply go to one place and research for hours on hundreds of subjects.  I have been to all the sources I include on the right hand side of this site.  In my devotion to my family, I wanted to make sure I can give accurate biblical advice to my children.  By studying deeply into God’s word and comparing it to what my mentors of the past have said about helps me to grow in my walk with Christ.  This increases the devotion I have for my God, which spills over in a deep devotion for my family and friends. 

In 2 Chronicles 6:14 it tells us:

“…there is no God like you in all of heaven and earth.  You keep your covenant and show unfailing love to all who walk before you in wholehearted devotion.”

His unfailing love for us should translate into a wholehearted devotion of our Lord.  This is the least our families deserve from their husbands and dads, don’t you think?  We must remember that our God is all knowing, all powerful, always has existed, always will exist, makes no mistakes, is loving, is kind, is generous, is forgiving, will judge, will discipline, is long-suffering, patient, merciful, counselor, the light of the world, creator, and much more.  I could go no for paragraphs about the attributes of God.  I think you get the picture though.  We serve an absolutely awesome God.

In my own life I have always been seeking a deeper devotion with my Lord.  It seemed like I never could grow to the point that I really wanted to dig that deeply.  However, in the past two to three years, circumstances that the Lord has lead me into have increased my desire to know Him more.  These circumstances were and in some cases still are difficult to go through.  The result is exactly what He intended…a deeper faith that has me thirsting for more of Him.  Part of this transformation is the bible based church He planted us in.  The pastor and men’s leader both preach and teach from God’s word.  It is not based on “feelings” or the “prosperity gospel”.  These men bring to us the richness of God’s word in truth.  It is the truth that also has created the desire to want to know more and more about my God. 

Gentleman, each us will react to crisis in our lives based on what we know and think about our God.  If we have kept our God in a tiny box until the day we think we need Him, our view in that time of crisis will be that our God is not big enough for the task.  On the other hand, though, if we have always known our God to vast, awesome and huge then no matter what crisis may come our way we will trust and know that the God we have encountered over the years can handle anything.  As a matter of fact He already knew this crisis was coming.  He allowed the crisis in our life and to further blow us away, He lead us directly into that crisis. 

“The same God that has lead us into this crisis is the same God that will lead us out of this crisis!”

Rest assure that we are not walking through anything that goes on in our lives alone.  Nothing catches God by surprise.  His mind is far beyond our comprehension.  It is in these moments of crisis that can last an hour or years that create either a well of devotion in us or a complete abandoning of our faith.  These are the times when we and our families find out if we are truly a child of God or simply an imitation follower of God.

So, do your really want to be a devoted dad?  I will encourage you to start reading and meditating on God’s holy word daily.  As it states in Deuteronomy 8:3 (NLT) when speaking of the Israelites

2 “Remember how the Lord your God led you through the wilderness for these forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands. 3 Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with manna, a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. 4 For all these forty years your clothes didn’t wear out, and your feet didn’t blister or swell.”

As it says here, we should live by every word that comes from the mouth of God.  So, unless we are spending that precious time in God’s word, how can we be a devoted dad?  It is impossible! 

Next, take time to out to pray about what God has revealed in His word.  I believe God speaks today through His written word.  So, if we are meditating constantly on His words rather than he newspaper or other secular books we can hear what God is saying to us.  Ever wanted clear direction..this is how we can receive direction.  This will change our perspective as we pray.  It is amazing how small our crisis will become when we spend some time reading and pondering on the scriptures….God dwarfs the crisis in just this way.   

Matthew 11:28 (NLT)

28 “Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”

This is not for discussion.  Jesus says to bring our burdens to Him.  His word will encourage us, fill us, and spread His love upon us.  The load we carry as dads and husbands is greater than it has ever been, but Jesus did not specify, He simply told us to bring them to Him.  He understands that we cannot carry these loads.  He understands we are always on the brink of loosing it mentally.  This is why He wants to carry these loads, so we can stay devoted to Him and devoted to our families.

Finally, guys I want to tell you that after these two actions, spend time with your wife first and your children.  Make that time for them.  They all want the man God placed in their life to spend quality time with them.  They do not care one bit if you are making a bunch of money, driving a nice vehicle, moving up the corporate ladder, and anything else.  Your family, men, want you.  They want to know what God is speaking to you on a daily basis.  They want to experience you on a physical and mental level…not via phone or email all the time.  The kids need to be able to touch their dads face, smell his after-shave, experience his loving touches….they need you and I in the flesh.  Our wives, they need our encouragement, to speak with them about what is on our hearts, and minds.  They, too, want to smell us, feel us, and have us there to sleep with at night.  This will finish out the creation of a devoted dad. 

How Not to Be a Strict Father

Consistent discipline is essential to raising kids in the way that they should go. A father who does this will sometimes be called strict. Let me tell you what I don’t mean by a strict father. Strict fathers aren’t mean to their kids.  Strict fathers aren’t aloof from their kids.  Strict fathers are not distant from their kids.  Strict fathers aren’t harsh with their kids.  Strict fathers aren’t physically or verbally abusive to their kids.

On the contrary, appropriately strict fathers love their kids. Strict fathers are affectionate with their wives and children. Strict fathers praise their kids and emotionally support them. Strict fathers are in balance. They balance training and discipline with a host of positive qualities that give their kids a context of unconditional love and acceptance. 

–Steve Farrar

Steve Farrar is the author of ten books, including the best-sellers Point Man and Finishing Strong.  Learn more at SteveFarrar.com

The reality is, guys, that God wants to bring to the top some devoted dads that will brin Him honor and glory.  He would like to see some men that do not care how the world teaches their children, spoils their children or how the world reacts to crisis…men willing to make sacrifices.  God wants men that want to do the right thing always.  Men that will spend time with Him and obey His calling upon their lives.  To be a devoted dad is not easy, but it is the most rewarding part of our lives next to spending eternity with Christ.  In the end what a legacy we can leave our children and grand-children…you know in truth how I have glorified my heavenly Father once I am gone from this earth means more to me than all the money and success this world can offer.

-Scott Bailey (c) 2007