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-From A Dad: The Feminization of our boys!

Posted by Scott on October 22, 2007

Feminizing boys and the American Schools?  What is that?  Well, I was thinking about this subject the other day.  I was thinking through many of the praise songs presented in the churches today and how feminine they are presented.  Think about the songs in Vacation Bible School or youth groups and how feminine those are.  Listen to the songs on Barney (heaven forbid you watch that show) in case you do listen to the words or other shows resembling this and think about how feminine they are.  Now, think about the number of school teachers both private and public that are women verses the number that are men.  How many hours per week do they spend with these teachers?  Who picks them up from school a higher percentage of the time…mom.   How many hours or minutes per week do the boys on average spend with a real male role model that can influence their outcome as a man someday?  The entire American culture is not setup to take the boys to manhood properly anymore expedited by the feminist movement that started in the early 1960s.  However, as early as the early 1900s the workplace took dads out of the home and left the boys with their moms.  This was the begining of the change in our culture towards a more feminized culture of boys.

Society will tell you and this has even drifted into the church now, that boys need to be very sensitive or “get in touch with their feminine side”.  I am sorry…I thought God made males to be a bit rough edged for a reason.  Males are born with a sense of conquering someone or something on a daily basis.  Males are born with a sense of the need to work.  Boys will typically eat more because their metabolism is higher.  Ever noticed that a boy will climb a tree just so they can jump out of it and see if they survive?  What girl in their right mind would do that….I hope none would.  My boys like to skateboard down the mddle of the street and move to the saidwalk just before being hit…what a rush they say.  If I did not know better I would think that boys have some portion of sensibility missing from their brains, but God made them different on purpose.  If a girl is in distress and finds themselves between the boy and a bull, they natural instinct would be for the boy to move the girl out of the way and place himself in that position.  If the boys were not made that way it would be an even more dangerous place to live.  Boys are here to protect, guide, provide, play, and help reproduce.  These are qualities that are instilled deep within a boys genetics. 

What has caused all the natural instincts and abilities of boys to be turned upside down?  Who has methodically altered the natural progression of the male role in society and in the church?  Does it hurt our world to feminize the boys?  I mean after-all they will be more sensitive to their female counterparts in the workplace and in their households.  So many questions have been raised about this subject and it is time to turn the tide back in the direction that boys are to be boys and girls are to be girls and stop this war between the sexes that should never have started in the first place. 

“You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted;
       you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,

 defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
       in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.”

Psalm 10:17-18

One place to look is the number of households that are fatherless.  A new stastic is the one in four children are born to a fatherless home.  I am speaking in this segment about dads that are physically not present whether they have moved away, died, disappeared or whatever…they cannot be seen or heard of by the family.  The crisis of the shrinking American father is a growing problem.  The numbers are getting too far away from us to the point we cannot bring this back into line.  With dad absent moms are faced with a difficult task…raising sons not to be feminine.  How will they accomplish this?  In the past dads would for the most part guide their children’s choices of marriage and manage the sons entrance into the workplace.  Dad was always seen as the one who directed the religious affairs of the family and made sure the kids education was morally preserved.  Any blame society had on those kids could be blamed on the dad.  Mom is now asked to take on this role and to be blunt, moms are not equipped by their creator to be the dad to these sons.  It will take someone outside the home usually to bring in that much needed male role.  Moms this is not to blame you, you were not suppose to have to be dad and mom at the same time.  I have written another article post to encourage single moms on raising their kids, because I do think if you are in this position you need all the help you can especially in rearing those boys to be as manly as possible….this is not easy, but it can be done.

What do fathers do that makes this father and mother household so important?  Dads can teach their sons about fishing, hunting, playing sports, how to be tough yet gentle at the same time, feelings on sex from a mans perspective, death, life, goals, work ethic, leadership, social skills from a mans perspective, how to negotiate the manly way, instruction, love, and so on.  Dads bring to the table alot of qualities that a woman just will not be able to inject into their sons unless it is done on purpose.  The male household figure will tend to be more aggressive, a protector and a risk taker.  These are further qualities in a boy that are nurtured along by the dad rather than mom.   The areas that dads play the biggest role are playing, role modeling, competing, risk taking, independence, discipline, modeling the distinct difference between the sexes, emotional stability, social skills around others, intellect, empathy, aggressiveness, natural skills, and so on.  These are very important areas for dads to be a big part of in our kids lives.  The most serious area a dad can address is to make sure they are serving the Lord and breathing the word of God on their kids daily.

 “If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

Joshua 24:15 NASB

Fathers are the main role model a young boy needs to see.  This person is close to him on a daily basis or should be.  Most kids had much rather see an sermon lived out than hear one.  Dads are a major source of instruction especially to the boys.  As boys get older they will tend to stretch their independence away from mom…still enjoying her love, but not needing the nurturing as much.  This is a time that boys really want to know dad more and enjoy his company more and more.  For us dads this is such an impressionable time.  We can give these boys the visual lesson as well as the scriptural lesson at the same time.  The impact this has on boys is amazing and really cannot be measured effectively for many years in the future.

I could spend hours with statistics and analogies to support these findings, but that would bore you to death.  My main point is that dads need to stay in the marriage through the tough times, bad times, hard times, and be there for those kids too.  Our boys will model our response to our spouses with their future spouse.  If they see that we have stayed in the family and toughed it out through “thick and thin” they have a great chance of remaining married to one woman their entire lives and raising their kids together.  Boys raised by active fathers in a two adult home will most likely not be feminized adult men in the future.  Fathers are important to structure and outcome of the kids as moms are and especially the outcome of the boys. 

If you are reading this as a single mom, take heart…raise the boys differently than you do your girls.  Allow the boys time for rough play, let them play rough sports, allow them to fall down and get hurt.  Let boys play in the dirt, eat dirt at least once, get dirty, play with a frog, non-poisonous snake, spider, etc.  Boys are curious as cats and each day is new adventure for them.  Allow them to explore.  Let them do this most of the time without the girls around or if girls are present allow them to take the lead.  The boy wants to lead his mom and sisters along this trail of life.  If they sense you are letting them lead just step back and see how they rise to the occasion.  Boys are born with the natural sense to lead those who are with them in need of their care.  I wanted to include this small section to encourage you moms to do whatever you can not to feminize the boys.

“And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”

Luke 1:17 NIV

Finally, we as dads must take an extremely active role in raising our boys.  Take them to work with us whenever possible, take them fishing, take them hunting, go on a nature walk through the woods, help them discover new places, take them to the zoo, to a ballgame, to a cemetery, make sure they physically see their living grandparents as often as possible and engage them in the history of the family.  Look at pictures with them and talk about what those pictures mean.  Dads, boys love stories of our past.  They really like to hear about stupid things we did and we can take that opportunity to share what the right action might have been.  I know as a dad myself we can get caught up in our careers.  To move forward in business is important to us.  We will justify our extra hours by saying it is for the family, but in the long run it is hurting our kids.  The relationship with the boys suffer….they end up feminized.  So, I want to encourage us dads to do whatever we can to place our wives and family ahead of work and play.  Even if it means changing jobs, moving, having less “things”…guys, your family will love you for it even if it is huge sacrifice.  The future survival of the family is riding on our response to this challenge of raising our children effectively.  To be that driving force in our sons lives that helps them transition from boyhood to manhood in a healthy, godly way.  Share the faithfulness of God in your life with the children, they will never forget it.

“The living, the living—they praise you, as I am doing today; fathers tell their children about your faithfulness.”

Isaiah 38:19 NIV

-Scott Bailey (c) 2007

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One Response to “-From A Dad: The Feminization of our boys!”

  1. […] Read the rest of this great post here […]

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