En Gedi: Finding rest in the wilderness!

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Posts Tagged ‘female’

Single Dads Raising Daughters!

Posted by Scott on November 20, 2007

Single Dads Raising Daughters

For a single dad, raising a daughter can feel like treading on foreign soil.

by Keith Wooden

Our two doors close in staccato beats with just an eight-note separation. It’s all part of the routine as my daughter transfers her belongings from one house to the other for the week’s stay with me.

Here’s my challenge: My daughter needs a dad who will span the cosmic gulf between female and male — without appearing to be extraterrestrial. Your daughter does, too. Our task is simple: Find the vehicle necessary to make the trip from our world to theirs.

Simple, huh? So how can single fathers raising daughters do that?

Find mentors

Men need the contribution of women to nurture our daughters and connect with them. I have curled my daughter’s hair and bought her feminine hygiene products, but I am still a man. My daughter needs a woman to show her how to be a woman.

The first female in your daughter’s life is still her biological mother. Support their relationship through your words and actions. Don’t play custody games or speak in anger.

If your daughter’s mom isn’t available, find someone — or several someones — who can become your daughter’s surrogate mom(s).

Build communication

How well do you and your daughter communicate? Cash in your “mister-fix-it” tool kit, and buy into open questions and empathetic responses. Open questions cannot be answered with yes or no and always extend conversation. Empathetic responses — such as “how did that make you feel?” — expose the heart behind the answers.

Dare to dream

Dreaming together opens a panorama of new horizons. Have you ever heard about her dreams about the future? What color will her prom dress be? What is her idea of the ideal man? Do you speak of her future? Will she make a great mother, or doctor, or lawyer or decorator?

Dreams are the packages of the heart. When you open your daughter’s dreams, you open her heart. You must never say, “That’s impossible,” or “That’s silly.” If you do, you will never hold her heart so close again. Dreams are the wings of her future.

Woman in the making

She is in your home and life for a season, then you’ll hear, “There’s a boy outside. His name is Jim. He wants to know if I can play with him … dance with him … marry him. Can I, Daddy? Can I?”

Is this the end you had in mind? Take a long look into your little girl’s eyes. Can you see it? There is something inexorable taking place. She is becoming a woman.

A few months ago my 13-year-old went to a school social. She danced with a young man, and when it was over, he kissed her. Mind you, I was not told this by my daughter, but rather heard it through the teenage grapevine. I approached my daughter.

“Whitney, I heard you kissed a boy.”

“ No I didn’t, Dad. He kissed me.”

“ He kissed, you kissed. The point is your lips touched.”

“No! It is important. He kissed me!”

“Well, why didn’t you slap him or duck or something?

“Well, Dad, because I kinda liked it.”

Did you hear that sound? That’s a dad’s sigh as he’s watching his little girl grow up. I’ll get over it. Just give me seven more years. But I really don’t mind as much as I protest. I think I’ve seen in my mind’s eye the woman she will become, and I can’t wait to meet her. There are just two things I long to hear: One at eternity’s portal: “Well done, My good and faithful servant.” And the other at the head of an aisle: “Thanks, Daddy, I love you.”

Focus on the Family 2007

-Scott Bailey 2007

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-Modesty In Girls Comes From Home!

Posted by Scott on September 10, 2007

modesty_clothing_1.jpg

Today, our society including the church have become very loose with our dress, speech, spending and much more.  Women and girls run along the walk ways in our neighborhoods hardly dressed and what they do have on is very tightly revealing.  As a man wo really would like to focus on the road has trouble with this sometimes.  As natural as it seems, for me to keep my eyes on the road and not take a quick look is a battle.  I am sure many other men and/or dads fight the same battles every day as I do.

I heard someone quote President John Adams, “When women in our country become immodest, then our government and nation will suffer greatly.” 

How prophetic those words have been.  To a great extent the war with Islam that America faces has been greatly inhanced by the trampy dress of our females and carrying on the way they do…this is directly forbidden in that religion.  I have seen some very vile things on the internet and tv before and am convinced that many women (not all) today show no boundaries at all.  They will do anything that makes them feel good, look good, and for the right amount of money.  For us dads this poses a tremendous challenge for us to raise our daughters to be modest according to biblical standards.  Yes, we are free…free to glorify God in our dress, actions, and attitude.  Not bending to the way the world thinks a person should dress or conduct themselves…”it is no longer I that lives, but Christ lives in me…”  This is not to say that girls should zip up in a suit from neck to toes or wear tent jumpers all the time.  I believe they can be very beautiful in the way they dress without appearing to be a very “loose” person.  Another quote I heard gave a very broad explanation of how women and girls should decide to dress for each day.

“Women’s clothing should be tight enough so that we can tell they are a women and loose enough for us to know that she is a ‘lady’.” 

-Unknown Quoter

So, dads look out for your wife and daughters when they leave the house.  Care enough about them to tell them if something needs to be changed.  If they have something on that might make another man think these gals are wanting much more than just a quick hello, it is time to speak up.  I know I battled this in our home at times, but our daughters are starting to understand the reason behind glorifying Christ with everything they do, say, and wear.  It is a direct reflection upon the parents and especially on dads/husbands, but most importantly it reflects directly on the kind of God you serve…if us dads are not willing to speak up then who will?

I am challenging dads to help their girls to understand the purpose of modesty so it can help us guys to remain pure at heart and mind by not tempting us by dressing provocatively…beautifully is one thing, but trampy is another.  Keep the mystery about how trully beautiful you are for your wedding night…this creates something special that you and your husband will never forget.  This is how God’s word does address this…

“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest dress…”

-1Tim 2:9

-Scott Bailey (c) 2007

 

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